English corrections

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Another joke I’ve got from a colleague of mine. You might find it funny plus it shows some competition people quite often experience at job interview:

An Office Manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know?"

Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.
"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."
He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Patel, the Guy from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, (in his Gujju accent!) "Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats...
"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel.
"You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum,, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !"

Patel is now the new "Office Manager" at Wal-Mart in Washington.
*GUJJU - is a person from Gujarat India

[rusic]

Nice joke! Но читать индийский акцент на английском для меня не просто

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Пока читать тренируйся, приедешь придется слушать и понимать Это веселее намного

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Вот что мне прислали коллеги недавно. Рекомендую и вам проверить себя. После этого упражнений значение фразы «and I always thought spelling was important» не вызывает у меня ничего кроме улыбки

If you can do this, pass it on to friends with the word YES in the subject, but only if you can read this.
[center]A Short Neurological Test[/center]1- Find the C below..
Please do not use any cursor help.

[center]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO[/center]
2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

[center]99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999[/center]
3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

[center]MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM[/center]
This is NOT a joke. If you were able to pass these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having a close relationship with Alzheimer.
If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends with 'yes' in the subject line.

Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!

[center]If you can raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too

Can you raed this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it[/center]

[passing by]

Хороший тест

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Good. Anyone else had to cancel their annual checkup visit to neurologist, or it is only my friend any I?

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There is no such a thing as "annual checkup visit to neurologist"... to put it in proper terms. It is only by referral...

New version:

Trehe is no scuh a tnihg as "aunnal ckecuhp vsiit to nuerlogoist"... to put it in porepr trmes. It is olny by rferreal...

[MaximOK]

Гед-то уже втрсеачл токай же тсет, тоьлко на рсуском яызке...

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There is no such a thing as "annual checkup visit to neurologist"... to put it in proper terms. It is only by referral...

You’re right,” to put it in proper terms” - patient, most probably, should have been referred by his physician. However, you might be surprised to know that THERE IS an annual checkup visit to neurologist ...

I went to my neurologist to get my yearly check-up, even though I waited a little longer than a year....

BTW Your phrase above “There is no such a thing as…” If we want “to put in proper term” should rather be written as “There is no such thing as…” NO article aneeded. No offence.
Anywhere else I would let it slide, but this topic called English Corrections. So I correct, and again there is nothing personal

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Нет проблем, конечно ничего личного, тем более что вы очень деликатно ставите вопрос. Я очень часто встречал оба выражения - с артиклем и без, и убейте меня, я не знаю в чем различие - для этого наверное нужно быть лингвистом. Посмотрите например гугл - дает множество вариантов (версия с артиклем) из официальных первоисточников. Поэтому я это выражение употребляю как придется (точно так же как "in time" vs "on time" etc)...

http://www.bing.com/search?q=+%22there+ ... &sp=-1&sk=

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However, you might be surprised to know that THERE IS an annual checkup visit to neurologist ...

Well, yes, but she has indications as a patient with stroke, unlike you or me or anybody else... So it is not typical for an average person to have an annual checkup with neurologist.. and then to cancel it...
No offence buddy...

[Drag]

Нет проблем, конечно ничего личного, тем более что вы очень деликатно ставите вопрос. Я очень часто встречал оба выражения - с артиклем и без, и убейте меня, я не знаю в чем различие - для этого наверное нужно быть лингвистом. Посмотрите например гугл - дает множество вариантов (версия с артиклем) из официальных первоисточников. Поэтому я это выражение употребляю как придется (точно так же как "in time" vs "on time" etc)...

http://www.bing.com/search?q=+%22there+ ... &sp=-1&sk=

Насколько я помню, in time вовремя, а on time - немного заранее.

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Мне встречались оба варианта в разных значениях, посмотрите например на эти ссылки - общего мнения нет...


http://www.bing.com/search?q=in+time+vs ... source?%7D

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Well, yes, but she has indications as a patient with stroke, unlike you or me or anybody else... So it is not typical for an average person to have an annual checkup with neurologist.. and then to cancel it...
No offence buddy...

None taken. And since we are still friends (you’ve just called me buddy), let’s hold our horses here and backtrack this little mishap for a moment:

• 1. I posted a quite funny (at least for my taste) test which was sent to me by my colleague.
  2. You put an effort of analyzing one of the phrases from the passage, concluding that “THERE IS NO SUCH....”
  3. I went to the local library and spent hours and hours of research. Finally proper material was publicly displayed on this board, with a link provided, to proof that “THERE IS SUCH…..” Supporting your idea arguments about special conditions of patient in the article have no relevance to the fact that “THERE IS SUCH…” Even more so, it makes joke even funnier because of its implications on everyone being a little mental. At least that’s exactly how I feel after all those needles explanations.

Seriously dude. It was a JOKE for god sake Don’t sweat it, have a laugh, and let’s move on.
P.S. I really don’t give a rat’s ass if you use “There is no such a thing as…” or “There is no such thing as…”. Not a biggie and it’s cool with me. I just couldn’t help noticing…

[passing by]

и охота вам это анализировать воскресным вечером... конечно все это шутка, никто иначе это и не воспринимает... давайте предлагайте следующую тему или шутку если эта себя исчерпала.